


All of You

by E_Violet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Minor Jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:00:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29073699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_Violet/pseuds/E_Violet
Summary: Remus and Sirius have a late-night conversation about Patronuses.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 18





	All of You

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning, some strong language is used.

March 1976

“This is going to be the best prank ever!” James whispered excitedly to Sirius as they rushed back to the Gryffindor tower, unexpectedly nimble for two teenage boys attempting to hide under an invisibility cloak and run at the same time. But, they had multiple years of practice and were quite skilled at doing so. 

“They’ll never expect it,” Sirius said in agreement. The two boys were coming back from the Slytherin common room, where they had set up a charm to blast mariachi music when someone entered the room. It would wear off after a while, but they predicted many students would trigger the music in the morning, which they thought would be absolutely hilarious. 

Upon arriving in the Gryffindor boys’ dorms, Sirius noticed the curtains of Remus’ four-poster move. James, who was not the most observant person, did not, so Sirius waited until he heard soft snores from his best friend’s bed to investigate. He silently made his way toward Remus’ bed, wondering if he was in the right position to do so. 

They had been exploring a relationship since the past summer, but things had been rocky after the Prank. Of course, all four boys sorted everything out, and Sirius running away from Grimmauld Place over Christmas holiday had certainly helped. After a few months, he found their friendship had returned to normal, but they were yet to resume their romantic relationship. 

Finally, he summoned enough courage to speak. 

“I know you’re awake,” he whispered. Remus opened his eyes and looked back at him, his expression unreadable. “You’ve been quiet since Professor Bex had a few of us stay to experiment with Patronuses.” 

The Defense teacher had invited the four boys, as well as Lily, Marlene and Ember (the fifth Gryffindor boy), to work on their patronus charms. James, Sirius and Peter had proudly shown off their Patronuses, though Sirius had noticed James blushing after Lily casted a doe Patronus. Remus, however, had pretended to see an owl from his mother and left to answer the nonexistent letter. The boys had laughed about his convincing excuse to leave before casting his own patronus, since it was certain to be a wolf and he didn’t want to provide more evidence of his lycanthropy for any of their peers, but Sirius had noticed Remus was quieter than normal for the rest of the day. 

“I’m always quiet, compared to you and James,” Remus said. Sirius jumped up onto the bed and shut the curtains. He pulled out his wand and casted a silencing charm so nobody would hear them. James, Peter and Ember were fast asleep, but Sirius took the extra precautionary measure anyway. 

“You were quiet, even for your standards,” he whispered. “Was it the Patronuses?” Remus slowly nodded and sat up. 

“Of course it was,” he responded bitterly. “Everyone had a unique patronus, and James and Lily’s even provided evidence that they’re going to end up together some day, yet all I am is a wolf. I can’t escape it. I can’t fucking escape it. Everything serves as a reminder that all I’ll ever be is a fucking werewolf. A monster, a beast, that will never amount to anything or deserve anything. All I am - “ 

“Stop,” Sirius said gently, reaching up to wipe his friend’s tears away. “You deserve the world, Remus. You’re brilliant, funny, and kind, and you are  _ not  _ a monster. You’re more than a wolf.” 

“No, I’m not!” Remus hissed, his voice breaking. “How many times do I have to tell you that -“ Not knowing what else to do, Sirius kissed him. He pulled away almost immediately. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have - I couldn’t think of any other way to shut you up - I can’t believe I -“ 

“It’s fine.” Sirius nodded, feeling his face heat up. “I... what is this?” 

“What?” Remus gestured vaguely between them. 

“What are  _we_? ” he asked. “Because I’ve been asking myself that for months, and I can’t seem to find an answer.” Sirius took Remus’ hands in his own. 

“We’re two people,” he said quietly. “Two broken people, who have somehow found each other in this cruel world, who don’t know what to do with each other, but also don’t know what to do without each other. Two broken people who don’t deserve to be. One person who deserves the world instead, and one person who’s fucked up too many times and will continue to do so until the day he dies. You and me.” 

“I’ve fucked up, too,” Remus whispered. “Everyone has. And you deserve the world, too.” He sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s the dumbest thing I’ve done in my life, but I love you, Sirius.” He reached up to touch the other boy’s face. In response, Sirius laughed in disbelief. 

“I love you, too, Remus,” he said. “ _ All  _ of you.” He closed the gap between them with a kiss, which was quickly reciprocated. Whether an eternity or a mere few seconds passed will be forever unknown, but everything was forgotten for a moment. All that mattered in that moment was the two of them, together. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was really poetic for something I wrote at midnight. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
